God Told Me He/She Is the One, So What Happened?
This is one question I have heard people ask these days. A friend of mine shared this thought with me and some of our other friends, and I decided to write about it.
Yeah! There are times when our feelings or emotions speak to us, but there are also many times when God indeed speaks to people. This article focuses on situations where we are sure God spoke to us and we received confirmation from others, but all the same, the relationship did not work out.
This is a conversation we need to have more often because we see this happen a lot among believers in Christ Jesus. This experience has caused many people to become offended at God. Yes, there are times when we never really heard God and it was simply our emotions and feelings speaking to us. However, there are also many situations where people genuinely believe they heard God, yet the relationship still did not work out.
So, Why Does This Happen?
Let’s go into the Scriptures to understand why this happens.
1 Samuel 9:15–17 NKJV
15 Now the Lord had told Samuel in his ear the day before Saul came, saying,
16 “Tomorrow about this time I will send you a man from the land of Benjamin, and you shall anoint him commander over My people Israel, that he may save My people from the hand of the Philistines; for I have looked upon My people, because their cry has come to Me.”
17 So when Samuel saw Saul, the Lord said to him, “There he is, the man of whom I spoke to you. This one shall reign over My people.”
We see the Lord speaking to Samuel to anoint Saul because He had chosen him. Saul was God’s choice to lead Israel. In 1 Samuel 10:1, Saul was anointed by Samuel to be the leader over Israel.
1 Samuel 15:22–23 NKJV
22 So Samuel said: “Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, As in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams.
23 For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king.”
In 1 Samuel 15:22–23, God rejected Saul. Why? Because Saul rejected the word of God. A question you might want to ask is: Why did God choose him in the first place if God knew that He would eventually reject him?
In the same way, we might ask, “Why did God say he/she was the one even though he/she had toxic behaviors or the relationship would not work out?” If God knew how the person would behave and how the relationship would eventually turn out, why would He point me toward this person in the first place?
I really do not know the answers to every one of these questions. However, we can look at some key factors in this story. God gave Saul His word concerning the Amalekites, but Saul did not fully obey the word of God. Hence, we see that the person God initially chose was eventually rejected by God.
Did God know Saul was going to do this? In the almightiness of God, He has given mankind the power of choice. In the foreknowledge of God, He already knows whether we will choose Him or not, but He still gives us the privilege of making that choice. Saul rejected the counsel of God, and we see God leaving him to his choice by taking the kingdom from him. God never forces Himself on us. He encourages us to choose Him, but He will not force or manipulate our will.
When it comes to God’s will for our lives, He never forces His will on us. We have the freedom to make our own choices, even when those choices are contrary to God’s will. This is why, as children of God, we want to submit to God’s will. If God does not force His will on you when it concerns your own life, then how much more when the situation involves more than just you?
When God says he/she is the one, two people are involved, and both must choose to align with God’s plan. It only works if both people align. If only one person does, it is still not sufficient because God will not violate the will of the other person.
God has said he/she is the one, but the relationship did not work. Why?
First, God would never force people to agree with Him. Sometimes, people initially agree, but along the way, one of the parties falls out of alignment. This is complicated because the choices of two people are involved, and in some cases, one person opts out.
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If God knows he/she will opt out, why did He guide me to them?
God does guide us because He promises us divine guidance. However, God always gives us the opportunity to align with Him. There are people whom God has guided toward each other, and they got married and lived together in joy and peace because they chose to align with God. In the same way God presented that choice to you and the partner with whom the relationship failed, He also presented that choice to those who chose to align.
God is faithful, and the issue is not with Him but with us. He always believes the best of us and gives us the opportunity to align with His plan, but He will not force it on us.
Misalignment with God’s will can show up in different ways, including sin, holding on to trauma or traumatic experiences, etc.
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God might guide a healthy believer to a believer who is dealing with certain battles because God wants to give the other person the opportunity to trust Him for healing. However, many times, people choose the pleasure of sin or choose to hold on to their trauma rather than embrace restoration.
God sees a man or woman whom He can transform, and He wants to give that person the opportunity for transformation. However, sometimes, people may never open themselves up to God. As long as this type of partner remains closed off to God’s healing, it can negatively impact your relationship with them and eventually lead to the death of the relationship.
When such a relationship ends, one of the parties might start battling with the question, “Why? God, if You knew it wouldn’t work, why did You lead me to such a person?” I truly empathize with people going through this type of experience, especially when you are sure you heard God.
The relationship has ended, and you are now dealing with the pain that comes with the death of that relationship. This might not be the best question to ask in the midst of your pain because dwelling on it may only hurt you more. The simple answer is that one person decided to opt out of God’s plan. However, knowing the answer does not necessarily take away the pain. What can help you through the pain is choosing to see things from God’s perspective.
When we see things from God’s perspective, we begin to understand how God loves the whole world, yet not everyone in the world has received His love. If you are currently in this situation, this is an opportunity to genuinely forgive as God forgives while also creating healthy boundaries.
We saw that Saul’s rejection of God’s word had consequences, one of which was that God established a boundary with Saul.
Note: God chose Saul; however, we later saw God reject Saul because of the choices Saul made. Hence, our alignment with God’s plan is important.
When a situation involves the choices of more than one person, we cannot control whether the other person will continue to align with God’s will. This is how what began as God’s “Yes” can eventually become a “No,” just as we saw with Saul.
I would also like to share another story from the New Testament.
Acts 13:2 AMPC
“While they were worshiping the Lord and fasting, the Holy Spirit said, Separate now for Me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them.”
The Holy Spirit told the church to separate Paul and Barnabas unto Him for the work He had called them to do. They worked well together and did ministry together, but later on, something happened between them.
Acts 15:36–41 NIV
36 Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.” 37 Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, 38 but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. 39 They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord. 41 He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.
They did not part ways because of sin, but we see that a conflict arose between two people God had called to work together. The Bible says, “they had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company.” I am sharing this to remind us that things like this can happen. It is not because God made a mistake; it is because we, as humans, have the power of free will and choice.
If You Are Going Through This
I hope this comforts someone. If you are going through this kind of heartbreak, I personally believe it can be very painful because you chose to obey God. I understand. God cares for you. I would like to tell you that God always has a seed of something greater ahead. Do not give up on God. Keep being kind, and continue to be the child of God that you are. Allow God to heal you, and forgive fully everyone involved including yourself, the other person, and even God, on a lighter note.
Also, don’t have the mindset that God should punish the other person; we all have our shortcomings. Forgive, but maintain healthy boundaries. Never lose your trust in God because one person failed to align. Always remember that God already had David at hand when Saul opted out of God’s plan.
Do not allow bitterness; allow God’s healing instead. Learn from your own mistakes, take full accountability for them, and trust God because for every Saul, God always has a David.
"For Every loss, there is a seed of greater and better replacement"