Hello, Oluwabunmi. I have a few questions for you.
Q- How would you describe your experience with being single?
A- This is a very good question. For me, I would say that my single years have been a season of deep growth in God.
Ecclesiastes 12:1 (NIV)
“Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, ‘I find no pleasure in them.’”
This scripture feels very real to me. If I had not known God in my teens and early twenties, I believe my life would have been wasted by now. The last few years of my life were very tough, but it was God who helped me through every breaking point. I was pressed, but I was not broken.
Q- What should I do in my singlehood?
A- 1. Establish a strong relationship with God. I truly believe it is better to know the Lord early.
Proverbs 3:5–8 (KJV)
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.
It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.”
Knowing God from a place of genuine relationship guides and directs our paths. It saves us from many unnecessary troubles.
I remember being among some of my classmates who were discussing birth control and related topics. You could sense their frustration, but I could not relate. One of them asked me, “Bunmi, what birth control are you on?” I replied, “None.” She then asked if I was in any sexual relationship, and I said no.
I was surprised by her response. She said, “Bunmi, you are lucky.” That moment encouraged me deeply. I was expecting her to say, “You are missing out.” Instead, I perceived God speaking to me, saying, “You are not missing.”
Obedience to God brings peace and stability to our lives.
The best relationship we can build in this season is our relationship with God, submitting our lives fully to Him. I have never seen God waste anyone’s life in the history of His relationship with human beings. He always beautifies our lives and makes all things beautiful in their season.
Having a genuine relationship with God, with a proper understanding of His Word, shapes our perspective on life; the way we think, our values, and ultimately the decisions we make. Our relationship with God gives us wisdom.
- Be healed.
This is very important for us as human beings. This season is a time to receive healing from God—first through total surrender. We have all experienced some form of childhood trauma, pain, or relationship heartbreak. This is because the enemy is after everyone’s life. But this period is an opportunity to expose ourselves to God and allow Him to heal us.
Psalm 41:3 (ESV)
“The Lord sustains him on his sickbed; in his illness you restore him to full health.”
Psalm 103:2–4 (NIV)
Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all His benefits,
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.
There are a lot of scriptures that show the healing power of God. Most times, those who hurt you do not even know better. We cannot carry pain all through our lives. Healing is the most important thing we must be willing to go through, and sometimes the process of healing may be more painful, but it will be worth it in the end.
Q- Did you have childhood trauma yourself?
A- Yes, I did but I think that was the first thing I gave to God.
Q- Oluwabunmi, have you ever been in a relationship or experienced heartbreak? If yes, give us the full gist.
A- Deep question!!! I attended an all-girls Catholic boarding school in my teenage years. The school had just started, so I was privileged to be part of the second set. I wasn’t really exposed to boys, and because I had some inappropriate experiences as a younger child, I wasn’t thinking about boys at all.
I remember giving a boy a dirty slap in Primary 4. I wasn’t a “boy kind of girl.” Even then, I would watch movies where someone breaks a girl’s heart, and I would tell myself, “That would never happen to me.” So I had a phobia of romantic relationships.
I had been close to God and I had heard the gospel in my teens, I think—through my church environment and secondary school. But if I’m being exact, I would say I truly accounted for my salvation when I was invited to FECA before gaining admission into college. I joined the fellowship of young people (FECA) who loved God, and it became a great foundation for my relationship with Him.
I never created an atmosphere where a guy would want to mess around with me. Since I had a relationship with God, I kind of knew it wasn’t time. My friends used to say my eyes were always on my head.
I had crushes, but I always buried my feelings and moved on. I was a first-class student, and my focus was God and academics. All of this happened because I am a person of focus and a goal-getter.
I am trying to introduce myself so you can understand my story.
After college, I started pursuing graduate school. I knew I would be traveling out for my education, so I did not create room for relationships. Around the time I knew I was traveling, I met someone who had traveled ahead of me. We started talking, and we became very close.
I had walls around me that were always difficult to penetrate, right? But with this person, he was my friend. For the first time in my life, at 27 years old, I let my guard down. By then. We became so close that I knew I loved him because he was my friend. So I asked him what his intentions were, but he kept postponing, until he eventually ghosted me. This happened at the most difficult phase of my life. Yes, this was my first heartbreak.
I intentionally gave my background story so you can know me. I am not someone who is easily accessible because I hate emotional pain. Since I understood healing, I gave myself more to God for healing. Till date, I ask people, how do people jump from one relationship to another? Heartbreak is so painful. I used more than a year to process this, yes, I think I am weird, lol.
At this point, I knew I would need God’s intervention to be in any relationship.
Eventually, I think after a year, I met someone else. At that time of my life, I would not have brought anyone close, but I kept receiving prophecies that someone was coming around. I think my mistake was that I did not pray well with the prophecies. I later learned, as I grew, that prophecy can be more dangerous than when no words are spoken, because now the devil has heard it and has something to work with.
This is not so we can live a fearful life. I am saying this so we can know how to receive prophecy. We should always pray with prophecy that way, we agree with God.
Then I met this person, and I would not normally have engaged someone like that, but I was fooled when he started talking about God’s Word, so it felt like we had common interests. During that period of my life, I was receiving words from all sides, but I think instead of receiving those words prayerfully, I received them with excitement.
When this person came around, I told my friends, and one of my friends told me to pray, and he also prayed with me. At the end of our prayer, he said he saw a green light. But I think I had a little nudge within me to wait. However, because I got confirmation from everywhere and I was very excited, I went ahead. Lesson!! In following God’s leading, we still have to pay attention to the details in our inward man/spirit, even if everyone around us gives confirmation.
I took the leading of the Spirit a little more seriously this time because of my first experience, but I still did not pay attention to the details the Spirit was nudging me about. This relationship stressed me, and it did not last. This was another heartbreak. I was almost 29 at the time.
Q- Why do you think the heartbreak was painful?
A- For the first person, I felt he did not face me with the truth early enough, even though I kept asking, so I could know how to channel my energy. I felt hurt that someone I considered a friend would not be truthful with me. It was very painful because we genuinely built a friendship, and he could have simply told me the truth.
For the second person, I felt disappointed in myself for liking that kind of person in the first place. I also initially felt that God had misled me. I thought that if I had not received those words in the first place, I would not have been close to him. I thank God that I later admitted I did not obey Him completely. The heartbreak from this relationship was more about anger.
Q- What did you like about those relationships?
A- With the first person, he was my friend. I desire that kind of friendship with my future husband. He was truly my friend.
This second experience was not good. It felt very selfish. When I think about the encouragement I received during the relationship, I am sometimes tempted to believe that this person was simply playing along so things would go the way they planned. However, I am still grateful for the experience because, even if the intentions were not good—which I did not notice at the time—I received encouragement that helped with my stability.
I was not heartbroken by this experience, but I was angry. I felt anger toward myself and toward God. I learned to tell myself the truth and to forgive myself, the person involved, and even God in my heart, because I was angry at Him. One thing I believe I developed from this experience is empathy. Beyond being angry about making a bad decision, I submitted it to God, and in doing so, I gained empathy toward the person.
Q- Did you ever think you would be single at 30?
A- I am not sure how to answer this because I never really had timelines for my life. However, my mindset was shaped by what I saw happen in fellowship during college. A brother or guy would receive a sister for courtship, they would go for counseling, and then they would get married. That was my perfect picture, and this was while I was never in any relationship.
I have never imagined being in a random relationship. I would rather be single, and I am not afraid to be single, than to be in a relationship just for the sake of dating.
Q- How did you heal from heartbreak?
A- I took my pain to God. I always take my pain to God. Heartbreak was my greatest fear in life, but now heartbreak has made me trust God much more. Obeying God through heartbreak and casting my cares on Him has helped me love people more genuinely. Instead of resulting in hatred, God helped me develop empathy. He taught me to pray for people who hurt me.
I prayed for the first guy for a whole year. Later, he apologized and admitted his fault. Some heartbreaks are God’s intervention, especially when the relationship is not God-approved. Knowing that I am a ministry person, I cannot force someone who only wants a regular Christian life to journey with me.
I never imagined heartbreak in my life. This may sound weird, right? Yes, I had a phobia of it. I would rather not be in a relationship at all. I preferred the perfect Christian brother-and-sister courtship that leads to marriage. But one thing I am sure of is that God taught me through my pain and bad decisions. You can definitely trust God.
This does not erase the days of crying or the feeling of bad luck, but I learned to enforce God’s Word regardless of how I felt. After the second heartbreak, I focused more on my ministry. I always knew I was a ministry person, but I had a pattern in my head—that once I had security, then we could both do the work together. God awakened me back to my calling.
God is sweet. He is a good Father and a good friend. He can be trusted with our pain and trauma.
Q- Have you experienced any other form of loss and pain?
A- Between 2022 and 2024, nothing really seemed to be working in my life. I had never experienced heartbreak before, yet I experienced two during those years. I had never failed in my pursuits, but in this season of my life, I failed.
All of this happened to me in a new country where I had no father or mother. It felt like hell was opened up for me alone. But thanks be to God, who always causes us to triumph.
Q- How do you feel when all your friends and people your age get married?
A- I rejoice, and I am grateful to God for them. If you mean to ask whether it makes me feel bad—no. Maybe some time ago it would have become a prayer point, but now I am rested in God.
I pray more for people like the Apostle Paul prayed for the church. I pray for my children and my husband, and I focus more on praying to make the right choice rather than taking “why me?” to God in prayer.
Q- Would you like to get married?
Yes, but I am not desperate. I met people this year and one was more promising, but I did not want to continue the cycle, so I said no. I am confident that I will be married, with the number of kids I already know, but I am very particular about doing relationship God’s way—no form of impurity.
Q-What is your spec?
A- A man submitted to God, a kind, faithful, and loyal man. A man who honors himself as God’s temple is very attractive, because such men are not common. I know a man shorter than me cannot pass.
I used to have a long list of physical attributes, but I have seen men with those attributes who still could not pass when it came to honoring God. So I decided to focus on what matters most to me.